I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
