Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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