oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everclear isn't food dammit
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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