Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize