I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
