good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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