yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
