Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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