both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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