i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
