I just saw a hot homeless man
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
