His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
