I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
