SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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