I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize