Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
