So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
