I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
