I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
