Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I skipped work to stalk him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize