Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
