My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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