Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
