dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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