I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i believe in u and ur pee
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
