I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
