i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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