that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
