quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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