I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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