Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
