New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
