There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
