If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
