my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
