Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
