Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize