you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
