Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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