i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
