Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
