Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
