she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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