Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
