I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
