Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize