I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
