Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
