Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
