Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
