Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
