if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
