I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
