How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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