i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
