I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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