He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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