I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
