i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
