i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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