Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
