Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
