What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
