He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
