WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i have herpe
just one?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
