my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found a bag of teeth...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
