my vag is so smooth its legendary
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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