TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
