Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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